A Change of Focus

The last year has been a roller coaster of emotions and decisions. For me it's been one of the best and one of the worst years of my life. Last year in February I started dating an amazing girl and life was the best it's ever been. In October we were engaged the day after President Monson's announcement to change the missionary age for Elders and Sisters. After talking together for a month and her own soul-searching, she decided that she needed to go on a mission. It's been a life-long dream of hers and I knew that I needed to support her as well. The months that followed have been difficult for both of us, but especially for her. As I've seen her struggle, I've been saddened and also tempted. I decided I needed to focus more on my school, work and my own problems.

A few months later my friend Devin announced that the Church was looking for a few more Elders to go to Nauvoo as Tech Missionaries. When I saw what he wrote I felt that I needed to learn a little bit more. He said, "If you're interested even slightly let me know." So I got a hold of him and we talked for a while on the phone and then met in person. As I talked with Devin I felt that he had a light that I had been missing in my life. For too long I had been thinking about myself. My problems, my homework, my job, my money, my life. I realized that I couldn't go on like that. The only way for me to get better and follow Christ is to forget myself and lose my life. I had thought about working this summer and earning money but that didn't feel right. I had thought about pursuing my hobbies but that didn't feel right either.

Suddenly I felt like what I really needed to do was forget myself and serve the Lord. Ever since returning from the mission field I've always wanted to go back. I think of my time as a Missionary every day and how much joy it brought into my life. Truly that was where I was happy, and that was what was missing. I called Elder Camp and a week or so later I met with him and others in Hyrum. I sang for Sister Camp, but felt that I didn't want to or need to perform if called to Nauvoo. Although I don't have much experience in tech work, I felt like I needed to be behind the scenes and not have the spotlight on me. If I did serve, I felt I shouldn't be a performer. A few days later I was at work driving around running errands for my boss. As my phone rang and I looked who was calling my heart skipped a beat. As I spoke to Elder Camp that day I suddenly felt hope and peace in the future.

Although scared, nervous, anxious, and even a bit worried for everything ahead, I remember that I both thought and felt that this was the right thing and that the Lord was giving me an opportunity to find true happiness and forget myself. I'm grateful for this amazing gift the Lord has given us to use our talents to help His children feel the spirit and grow closer to Him. Although inadequate, weak, and imperfect, He can make me able. He can make weak things strong. I know he watches out for me and through this call I feel that even more strongly.