Closed Doors

This is going to be a little difficult for me. I always have a hard time talking about the things that are very near and dear to my heart, as Nauvoo most definitely is. It’s not that I don't want to share my experiences with others, it’s that I don't feel I can express myself in a way that fully describes my feelings and experiences, and in trying to do so I feel as though I cheat their value by describing them as less than they really are. But I will do my best and hopefully I can capture a little bit of what I feel.

I feel as though the Nauvoo experience is something that sticks with those who go for the rest of their lives. As satisfied as they may be with what they are doing in their lives in the years to come, I feel that there will always be that little piece of their heart that longs to be in Nauvoo. I am just one of the lucky few who get to go, experience the miracle of Nauvoo, feel that need after returning, and then indulge that desire by going again. I certainly wasn't planning on going a second time. Luckily for me, the Lords plans are not my plans and as I trust His will, things work out really nicely.

After I got back from my full time mission, I had a lot of plans of what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. As I pursued those plans and intentions they one by one crumbled around me and did not come to fruition. I found myself a bit lost and confused, wondering why my righteous desires were not being fulfilled. The Camps had asked me if I would consider trying out again and as path after path closed before me I began to wonder if it was because I just wasn't going down the right one for me at this point in time. So very last minute I decided to go ahead and audition to test the waters a bit and see if this turned out any different. As I was accepted, I realized that this was the only thing I had really pursued since returning home that was working out for me. I began to see the Lord's wisdom in closing off the other avenues for me because if I had gotten my way in the beginning, Nauvoo would not have been an option.

So that is where I stand. It is a bit of a leap of faith for me right now. I know that I am supposed to go to Nauvoo and that this is what the Lord wants for me right now. I do not know why or what lays in store for me but I know that it will be exactly what I need.