All My Love

I can't believe time is winding down so fast!!  We have one more week of the Nauvoo Pageant, and then one more week of our other shows after that...and then we are finished.  I cried again yesterday as I said goodbye to another family from the family cast at Pageant.  Every week has a new set of families, and every Saturday we say goodbye.  Little Avey Shulz tugged on my pants as I was walking away and said "I'm really going to miss you, Elder Partridge."

Gosh, love is hard stuff.

Speaking of love, I have received a new insight.  With this group becoming as close as we are, the mission rules can sometimes be looked at as a burden or an annoyance rather than a blessing to keep.  We all just want to hug each other and play games and have parties and stay up late!  It has been hard sometimes to stay focused on the Now and not start planning all the fun things we will do when we get home.  I've been praying to have a greater understanding of the doctrines of why God gives us different lifestyles to live for different lengths of time...rather than just giving all of us the same laws and expectations all the time. Missionaries, Bishops, Young Men's Presidents, Apostles...they all abide by slightly different rules and regulations.  Why?

I am beginning to understand one of the reasons for being obedient to such laws that seem so temporal.  In this mission, a lot of the mission rules just seem to be ways to inhibit us from showing our love and appreciation for each other the ways that we are accustomed to doing.  I have come to understand that in not being able to sit alone with a sister or to pick up little children, the Lord has caused me to find new and creative ways within my capacity, to act on the charity I am filled with for the people around me.  I believe that with every new lifestyle we are asked to live for a period of time, comes an opportunity to learn new ways to love...and that our Heavenly Father will continue to call us to new lifestyles until we have eventually learned all the ways to love...and have perfect charity!  Each time we choose not to be obedient to those laws that He gives us, we forfeit an opportunity to become more diversely charitable.

I am grateful for all the ways that God has expanded my ability to love while I have been here in Nauvoo.  He has helped my spirit to grow and contain more than I ever have been able to before.  I cannot wait to see how the new chapters in my life will help me to express the love that I so often feel is building up inside me, but is too great to be effectively expressed.  I know one day, I will be able to express all the love within my heart, with the help of my God.

Sometmes We Laugh

I am always so amused by the way the culture of a group changes over time...especially when they spend as much time together as our group does.  Just in case you will be interacting with any of us after this mission, you may want to know the explanation behind some of the things that have just become common among the stage/tech YPMs:

- When we are about to do something epic and need good motivation, we shout "For Alex!!!"  (...None of us actually met Alex, but he is one of Sister Klingler's friends.)

- When we have done something really stupid or crazy, we may turn to you with wild eyes and ask "Am I NUTS?"  (Sister Allen got us all started on that one...she's pretty nuts.)

- Phragming is one of the most insulting things you can do to a person (but we do it all the time to each other).  'Phragm' is short for diaphragm.  It means to hit someone with your diaphragm.  Believe me, after all the singing we've done, my phragm packs a pretty powerful punch.  (Really no back-story to that except that Elder Striplin and I are dorks.)

- There is a general slew of phrases that any of us will say on a moment's notice that is a line from a show...when we hear the cue line, we just feel empty if we don't say what's next!

- When you go for a high five, you may suddenly find yourself in a handshake.  (Because high-fives are WAY too familiar.)

- You will always find a counterargument if you say that something is the worst.  It is not the worst, because animal crackers are the worst.  End of discussion.  (The sisters just won't let Elder Striplin live his accent down.)

- If you try to get us to do something we don't want to do, we will give a high-pitched squealing "Make me!!"  (Modeled after the rebellious Sister Jorgensen.)

- Whenever it's time to go, we will yell "Time to go, time to go, woo-woo-woo-woo, time to go, time to go!" (I started doing that so everyone would hear me, and it just caught on.)

- If you tell a cheesy joke, we will bring our hand up like a sock puppet, and have it give you a roaring pity laugh.  (Every day we do a puppet show where the puppets tell ridiculously corny jokes.)

- If you make a reference to any kind of bag, satchel, purse, etc., we'll probably give you a really deep-voiced "they're bags!"  (A line from the show, modeled after Elder Black.)

- Whenever we or someone near us is confused, we will probably ask, "Am I here?"  (Once upon a time, Elder Collier forgot his words during a solo love song...and replaced about ten words with a long "Am I here?"  Probably the single-most funny thing that has happened on stage to date.)

- When we are very proud of ourselves, we put our hands in our armpits and smile.  (A Sister Elbert mannerism.)

- When we are appalled, we will shout out "Well I neverrrrr!"  (A line from a show, modeled after Sister Elbert.)

- When we want to sound refined, we talk like the pharaoh from Night at the Museum 2.

....Now I need to say something inspiring before I end.... I know that when we all work together in harmony we will all start become the same ridiculous person?  ...Eh, maybe not.  But I do know that where the Spirit is, there will laughter be also.  I believe that God is a God of laughter; beautiful, wondrous, joyous, wholesome laughter.  I am grateful for that.

I Love Nauvoo

Things I Love That Happen Frequently In Nauvoo:

- I love singing "of a living prophet" into the eyes of Sister McAllister and Sister Spittle.
- I love Elder Striplin's ridiculous "I've just discovered something awesome" face.
- I love pursuing and then being pursued by Sister Shaffer during 'Riverboats A Comin' and 'The Nauvoo Whoop-De-Do.'
- I love that whenever I'm looking for Elder Leavitt and Elder DeWaal at home, 70% of the time I find them praying.
- I love the moment right before Sister Porter and I run on stage at the beginning of High Hopes and River Boats; all I feel is love and faith.
- I love that my cup appears out of nowhere filled with water during lunch...along with a sneaky Elder Black.
- I love watching Sister Corkin be baptized for those who have passed on.  I know the angels are rejoicing.
- I love how genuine Elder Nelson's hugs are.
- I love watching Sister Jorgensen whip her head around and say "But she really didn't!"
- I love seeing how high Elder Thunell's backflips are getting.
- I love fighting with Sister Welch while we waltz.
- I love when Elder Scott is testifying to visitors about the miracle of the quail.
- I love when Sister Allen yells "Am I nuts??"
- I love that when people are feeling stressed and overworked, Elder Collier knows just what to say.
- I love that when I feel the presence of angels, I usually see Sister Smith praying.
- I love watching Elder Anderson just walk past, quietly doing more work than anyone else.
- I love finding Sister Klingler reading the scriptures back stage.
- I love the silly faces Sister Osorio makes at me during Sunset By the Mississippi.
- I love the face Elder Mortensen makes at me every time he has to be patient because I did something stupid.
- I love making eye contact with Sister Elbert during Just Plain Anna Amanda.
- I love when Elder Davis runs in screaming with a day cap on.
- I love it when Sister Camp gives us a thumbs-up after we sing Golden Dream.
- I love being millimeters from Sister Shaffer's face while she tries to ignore me completely.
- I love it when Elder Camp says "Bangarang!"
- I love clogging with Sister McAllister.
- I love that most any time I feel a hand on my shoulder, I look up and see Elder DeWaal.
- I love catching Sister Spittle before she falls off the stage.
- I love watching Elder Nelson demonstrate how the cricket fiddles.
- I love receiving new counsel from a leader and watching Sister Corkin be faithfully obedient.
- I love it when Elder Leavitt hits me, points at his companion, and says "Who is that guy?"
- I love how powerfully Sister Porter bears her testimony.
- I love how humble and selfless Elder Black's prayers are.
- I love it when we gather together as a group of missionaries and sing 'Invocation' as one.

Things I Never Thought I'd Do In Nauvoo

- Be in a (HUGE) ward made up of nothing but missionaries and visitors.  Talk about a prime conversion spot!

- Hug a sister missionary...as an elder...upwards of 4 times every day.

- Have nine people watch, entranced, as I got a haircut.  Apparently with my hair getting as big as it was, it was a pretty big deal!  We were trying to rehearse, but once the razor started, nothing else happened.  ....Weird.

- Keep on voluntarily falling down in various ways every day, despite the deep and painful bruises I've accumulated that just don't go away!

- Cry pretty much every day without fail.

- Clog in front of hundreds of people, successfully!

- Write in my journal every day (thank you, Kelby!).

- Shave my legs.  And then keep shaving them.  All summer.  (By the way, I haven't cut myself once yet!)

Wow, things just got really awkward.  Umm....see you next week!

Press On, Ye Saints Of God

You know those times where you want to sit down and write something profound, but you are just so content with life, no words are in your head aside from the constant sigh of joy in your heart?  That is how I feel right now.  Everything is just...good.

I have been studying a lot, both in Church history and in the Book of Mormon (which, I guess, is still technically Church history), about Saints of God who had to endure trials and persecution.  We certainly don't encounter much persecution here in Nauvoo, but the trials have sure been coming on strong in our group.

Something I have noticed is that there are really two different instances where a group of God's children suddenly encounter great influxes of hardships.  (1) When they fall away from the truths they know to be true and become an indolent and idolatrous society, and (2) When they come together in the faith, their hearts "knit together as one," living in a Zion community under Christ.  Why?  Well, the answer to #1 seems obvious.

I am so grateful for trials.  In a more eternal perspective, hardships are really some of our very greatest blessings we can be given.  It is in persecution that our loyaly to the Lord is polished, in sickness that our hope in His promises is secured, in confusion that our trust in the word of God blossoms, and in abandonment that our relationship with the Savior becomes more tightly sealed.  Heavenly Father allows trials to come into our lives when we have brought ourselves in a position to come even closer to Him.

Because of this, I have come to understand that Zion is a place of trial.  With so many people growing and working together to build up the Lord's Kingdom on the earth with pure, humble, and consecrated hearts, that entire group is in a position to be spiritually lifted up to God, similar to the physical miracle that happened in the city of Enoch.  The only way this can happen is through trial.  With this understanding, we come to know that misfortunes and tragedies are actually a sign that we are living right in the sight of God!

I was particularly touched yesterday, as we received news of our greatest trial yet this summer.  Just hours ago, the step-father of our very own Elder Foster (who plays in the band) was killed in a plane crash, and his younger brother was severely injured, in some ways that may be irreversable in this life.  When we found out at the end of a long and very successful day, it was as Elder Foster bore his hopeful and powerful testimony that because of temples on earth today, families will be reunited after this life, and that the resurrection will truly come to pass and physically perfect every one of us.  What made the greatest impact on me, was that a band of 46 disciples of Christ, directly after hearing about this great cause for mourning, stood up with tears in their eyes and aching hearts, and sang praises to God.  As we lifted our voices together and sang, "We gather in His holy name to thank Him and to bless Him," my spirit was so full of peace that I wept.

That is faith.  That is Zion and hope and charity and diligence and purity and power.  To find ourselves in the midst of affliction and sing in gratitude to our Lord... It was too sacred and too godly to accurately pen.

"Thus did Alma teach his people, that every man should love his neighbor as himself, that there should be no contention among them. . . .Therefore they did watch over their people, and did nourish them with things pertaining to righteousness. . . .And it came to pass that they did multiply and prosper exceedingly. . .and they built a city, which they called the city of Helam.  Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith.  Nevertheless - whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day."   (Mosiah 23:15-22)

"And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffereing; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive."   (Alma 7:23)

What The Lord Commands

This week, I got more violently sick than I have been in a very long time.   ....Let me tell you about it.

So, just previously, I had been worried about all the different sicknesses that were causing various sisters to drop out of performances for a day or two.  I had been reading a lot about faith and obedience, and every part of me believes that if the Lord has called you to do something, you can do it, no matter what seems to make it impossible at the moment.  I had also been feeling fairly ill, and Elder Wortley told me that if I ever wasn't feeling up to it, I could tell him, and they'd arrange to plan to perform without me.  But there was no way I could do that!  This is different from a normal theatrical production!  I have been called to be on stage and perform these shows and relay this message for Him.  I knew that no matter how nauseous I felt, I could get up there and dance, because it wasn't just my own natural strength I would rely on.  I was worried that perhaps we as a group were not getting the message strongly enough that we could push through anything to perform, because the Lord asked us to.

Well, the next day, early in the morning, I found myself puking (I won't tell you where I threw up first, it was embarrassing) in a succession of purges that just refused to stop.  I was in the bathroom at home the whole time the rest of my cast was out walking the streets doing Nauvoo Singers.  I found myself unconscious, and I awoke just in time to make it to call time for High Hopes and River Boats.  Now was my time to prove to the Lord that I really believed all those things I had been pondering the past couple days.  I honestly couldn't imagine myself on the stage, but I knew that I had been called to be there.  I was ready to step on that stage and brace myself for whatever miracle might occur.  When I got there and watched everyone preparing for the show, I just kept feeling worse and worse.  I was paling at the idea of getting up and putting my costume on.  Sister Camp came and talked with me for a little bit and told me that I needed to make a decision fast.  I decided to go pray about it.

Well, I should have done that from the beginning, because after a good ten-minute wrestle with the Lord, I got a definite commandment to go back home.  While I was confused because I felt like He had first and foremost called me to be on stage, I also knew that what He had now asked of me was to go home and rest and let the other missionaries do what they needed to do without me.  So I went home.  And I slept the rest of the day.

I have learned so much from that experience.  First of all, that I need to be in constant communication with my Heavenly Father, particularly about His desires for my day-to-day actions, even if I think that--by virtue of my set calling--I already know what He wants me to do.

But more so, I learned about Zion.  I learned that when we allow our hearts to become knit together as one (all being knit to the same heart: the Savior's), He can form us into a single unit, all working together perfectly, like a Swiss Time Piece.  The thing is, because it is directed and managed by God Himself, if a spring falls out, He manages to get a gear to do the spring's job too until the spring is back.  In a Zionistic community, we are not the same.  We will not have the same strengths or talents or knowledge, but it will not matter.  We do not have to be the same to be one.  I have learned that in the fallen world we live in today, it is necessary to say as Nephi said,

"I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men, save He shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which He commandeth them."

However, once we can come together as Saints of God, He is able to change the very way we work and live, and instead we can have the relief of saying,

"We will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for we know that the Lord giveth no commandment unto the children of men, save He shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which He commandeth them."

I know that so much of the reason that Christ's "yoke is easy, and [His] burden is light" is because it is no longer a load that is lifted alone.  We all do it.  Together.

I have great faith in the Lord, and that I can rely on Him through any of my trials.  This week He has taught me that part of relying on Him is being willing to be just as reliant on His servants.

I am grateful to know that there are so many of those servants all around me.  I will do all I can every day to be one of them.

When You Come To Nauvoo

Let me tell you a little bit about the unique traits of Nauvoo.

This is a city where thousands of people of all different creeds and histories have come through at some point seeking refuge from persecution and filled with a hope for a better life.  This had-been swamp is a thriving little town...with a very different feel about it.  A feeling of security.  A feeling that you have jumped out of the normal hustle and bustle of life.  A feeling a friendship.  A feeling that you can restore lost hopes and plans you've had before.  A feeling a peace.

In the part of Nauvoo that we experience most (that owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), there are many reasons for this feeling.  An untold number of miracles have happened in this spot.  This town was built up specifically so the Saints of the Lord could worship Him and learn all that He desired of them and for them.  Every building was built with the intent of serving Christ!  The people here gave everything they had...everything....to establish His Church on the earth again.  They gave no thought for themselves save it were the essential elements that kept them moving and breathing.  Everything else was outward, for their fellow man and for God.  This became a sacred escape from sin...almost a temple made up of a town.  And then, shortly after their proper (and glorious) temple was erected, the prophet given them of God was murdered, and they were driven west, across the entire country, outside the U.S. boundaries, on foot, with handcarts to carry what little they could.  And they did it willingly, because they knew it was a necessary sacrifice for the building up of Christ's Kingdom.

But the past can only transform the feeling of a piece of land so much.

Today, this stretch of historical ground is filled with hundreds of missionaries.  Men and women (almost every one of them senior citizens) that have had hands laid upon their head setting them apart for the service of God in spreading the good news of the Atonement of Jesus Christ in any way they are able.  Hundreds of people here who have dedicated their lives to their Heavenly Father, who understand the blessings and power of obedience and faith and charity and hope and virtue and prayer and the word of God.  Their every action is to draw others closer to Christ.  With that kind of powerful living happening in such a great concentration in this city, it is enshrouded with the Spirit.  We live within what the scriptures often refer to as a "cloud of light."  It is generated by sacrifice and willingness to love God more than oneself.

So, I must warn you:

Do not come to Nauvoo as a tourist.  This is a hard task I charge you with, because that is exactly what this place is set up for.  There are tours you will take, histories you will learn, shows to see, and pamphlets to steal.  We are designed to take in tourists.  But I have learned as I have stayed here that tourists only get about 30% of what is available here, if that.

This city is a sanctuary for the Holy Ghost.  The glass we look through darkly, as Paul describes our experience on earth, is not so dark in Nauvoo.  If there was ever a place you could go to catch a glimpse of a vision the Lord has for you that you cannot now see, it is here.  Rather than walking into our historic sites as a tourist, walk in as a student of Christ.  Rather than coming to learn history and see artifacts, come to learn spiritual truths and see the ministering of angels.  I would strongly encourage you to fast and pray before approaching your visit here.  Ask for guidance, strength, and miracles for yourself and for your family.  You will find it here.  I promise you that there are doctrinal gems that the Spirit can teach you personally, if you will seek them.

As young performing missionaries, our performances are not merely for entertainment, and our songs are not merely to impress.  We are here to testify boldly and clearly that Jesus is the Christ, and that in Him we can find joy.  We are here to proclaim to all who will listen that there is a living oracle on the earth today that receives revelation for the entire world directly from God, and his name is Thomas S. Monson.  We declare with every dance step that in the Book of Mormon are the true and living words of our Savior, that will fill anyone who reads it with more life than they have ever lived.

We will do everything we can to prick the hearts of the tourists....but please, don't you be one of them.

We Cannot Fail

Well, somehow all of us have survived our first full week of performing all day, every day, in Nauvoo.  It has been an incredible experience.

There have been some incredible miracles that have happened here.  Miracles so incredible, in fact, that I don't know if I should share them, because I know that many people who might read wouldn't believe what I wrote.  But I can testify, Heavenly Father is an intervening God.  The thing is...His power on earth works by faith...and he cannot intervene in big, against-the-laws-of-nature, type of ways until we have received enough faith from Him, and then exercise it properly.  I am grateful for the tender whisperings of the Spirit that can tell us when God is ready and willing to grant an impossible blessing, on the conditions that we ask Him for it.

I have a lot of time to ponder and stare at my manly hairy arm while I am waiting for groups to come my way on the Trail of Hope.  I stare at the hair on my arm, because in the firelight, it is the only thing I can see.  ;)  Just recently, I was there pondering the mysteries of the world, and I saw the next group approaching in the distance.  I had the distinct feeling that there were some people in that group that desperately needed to be touched by their experience on Parley Street.  As I began relating the experience of Edwin Alfred Pettit sitting on the bench, the wood snapped and I fell to the ground.  As the piece of the fence that had broken fell, it hit the tiki torch lighting my station, and I caught it just before it landed on a small child!  Peaceful feelings gone, I did my best to beg any inkling of the Holy Ghost to be there as I finished Edwin's story.  Most people were staring at the tilting torch nervously instead of at me... I was dismayed that perhaps I had lost my chance to touch their hearts.  However, at the end of the night, Sister Porter related an experience she had with what I recognized as that very same group.  They felt the Spirit very strongly, and knew that many of the people in that group needed to feel the Savior's love for them, and they did.

I know that when God has a great work for His children, there will always be opposition.  There will always be excuses to give up and go home, or distractions to keep us from looking where we need to look.  But, if our hearts are in the right place, our Father in Heaven has power enough to eliminate the effects of that opposition, and allow the end result to be as if those mistakes never happened.  I know that as we continue to give everything with have to and for our Savior, He will use us as instruments for miracles...and we should never worry that our work is in vain.  With God, it is never in vain.

I am beginning to understand more and more that Nauvoo is not the spiritual Zionistic bubble that it is because of its location or history.  The veil of forgetfulness is thin here in Nauvoo because it is packed with completely faithful and dedicated Saints of Christ.  It is their faith and their virtue that allow Nauvoo's history to become a shining force for the Spirit to bear witness.  I hope to be one of those Saints for the rest of my life, who can be a conduit for the atmosphere of heaven to pour through, wherever I may be.

Come, Come Ye Saints

I must tell you about the day before our final dress rehearsals.

We began the day by going through High Hopes and River Boats.  Before we do the show, we usually line up on the balcony and sing "Invocation."  We almost didn't because we were running late  and we were only rehearsing.  I had gotten ready faster than most, and I had the strong but unnecessary urge to walk out into the main lobby of the Visitor's Center.  I walked out there, and I saw a family with a bunch of kids running around that immediately caught my eye.  I walked past them, three times, intrigued but trying to remain inconspicuous (which is very difficult in formal pioneer garb).  I ran back in to beg Elder Camp that we go out to sing on the balcony, because I felt that it would really bless them, and as I entered, all the missionaries were lining up to go out and do just that!  For some reason, he had changed his mind!

We sang.  The family I had seen before seemed especially surprised and touched.  They were so touched, in fact, that they managed to get themselves into the theater to watch our dress rehearsal. In the cast we were doing, I don't have any lines...I prayed for my fellow missionaries and for that family the whole time.

Turns out, because they saw us there, they also found out about our "Just Plain Anna-Amanda" rehearsal that would be happening in a couple of hours.  They showed up!  Afterward, we met them outside.  They were visiting from Arizona, learning about some of their ancestors from Nauvoo, and we told them the little we know so far about the city.  They said they were hoping to see Parley Street sometime before they headed out.  Just so happens, we were having our first and only rehearsal on-site for the Trail of Hope that very evening!  We told them they should come.

Many hours of rehearsal later, we got into the van to head to Parley Street...and it was starting to rain!  Worried that the rain would interfere with that family coming to the Trail of Hope, we said a prayer to Heavenly Father as we were in the vehicle that the rain would stop.  It stopped immediately.  I admit, I wasn't as in tune with the Spirit as I should have been (or maybe I was?  I'm still not sure), because during and after the prayer, I didn't feel like that would change anything, as for some reason, I didn't feel like that family was going to show up.

But then, one of the elders, a mind-blowingly spiritually mature and faith-filled man, turned to me in the noise of everyone's excitement in the sudden weather change, and said, "You know your role!  Pray!"  Humbled by his faith and my inadequacy, I began to pray fervently in my seat to know the will of the Lord concerning His angels.  I had the impression that the family was questioning whether to come.  I pleaded that Heavenly Father would send His heavenly Nauvoo missionaries to physically push them out their front door, that they would head to Parley Street.  It was confirmed to me that this was right.

Feeding off of the immense increase of faith among twelve elders who just watched rain miraculously stop, I continued my supplication, asking that angels would whisper to whomever would say the prayer for our group, that they might be inspired to utter the words necessary to invite the pioneers to attend us on the Trail of Hope.  I prayed that each of the Saints we portray would attend the stations as we spoke.

We arrived.  As we all fell out of the van, Elder Camp told us all to go home and practice our lines.  We were cancelling rehearsal because of the rain.  The elders were disappointed and worried...but I had asked for heavenly messengers to do specific things, by the Spirit, so I was more excited than anything to see how this would pan out.  As we were all turning around to go home, the sisters burst out of their van and asked if we could all pray together before we went home.  Before praying, the elders sang "Old, Old Path," which will be the custom on the Trail of Hope once we begin.  Elder Camp asked Sister McAllister to pray.  As she prayed, she paused, and asked that we could be aware of the angels surrounding us, and that we could bear testimony with them as the time came.  My heart leaped at this new answer to prayer...a foreshadowing of impending miracles.

Right at the end of the prayer, a man showed up that Elder Leavitt had invited.  This caused Elder Camp to let us all go down the Trail of Hope and watch each other do our vignettes.  Just as I had finished mine, the family drove up at the beginning of the trail.  We all anxiously remained in our places...everything had fallen together perfectly.

I sat on the fence, preparing for them to approach me.  I bowed my head in prayer once more, this time in gratitude.  Filled with the Spirit, I asked that each Saint would be able to speak through each of the missionaries, and that they and all other angels there would walk the trail with us.  I know that this is not a request for every night, but for this night, it was.

No surprise, I was stunned to silence and quiet tears as I watched each of the Saints stand in testimony with each missionary.  Heavenly Father allowed me to see the invisible reality of what was happening there that night.  When we reached Elder Thunell and Sister Shaffer, I fell apart.  The angels were speaking through their mouths.  At the end of each vignette, those that have passed on joined us as we moved to the next.  I was weeping with gratitude by the time we got to the Narrator.  For some reason, I always expect with surety that what I pray for will happen, but I am always surprised by the beauty of the harmony in which it occurs.

Elder Leavitt's station was the most incredible of them all.  He was the Narrator at the end of the Trail.  I wish I owned the words to describe the experience.  Hundreds of Saints stood behind him, filling the immense field he spoke in front of.  Singing, in testimony with his own.  It was more than I could bear.  It took every ounce of energy I had to keep from falling to my knees like a dramatic fool.

I know that God knows how to bump two groups together for the edification of one another, like the YPMs and that sweet family in Nauvoo.  I know that we are attended, aided, supported, reminded, encouraged, and loved by angels far more than any of us are aware.

I had a very strong impression, heading home and regaining my composure, that tonight I should pray for something very bold indeed.  This group of YPMs is very different from the others, in a way that I believe God has been setting up for a long, long time.  I feel that our Heavenly Father desires that each of the young performing missionaries in Nauvoo this summer have their eyes open, even just for a moment, and see the spirits of those that walk the streets of this City Beautiful.  That is going to take an awful lot of faith...but I know it is possible.

We do not need to see such things to believe...in fact, we are condemned if we feel that way.  But sometimes, Heavenly Father allows us to see things anyway.  Not because it is necessary, but because He loves us, and because we have lived in such a way to be ready for such an experience.

I cannot wait to see what this summer holds.

All In The Family

So, funny story...  Elder Nelson and I have kind of developed this goofball relationship which I love, but sometimes in our goofiness, we do really dumb things.  We were practicing for the beginning of our show called "Just Plain Anna Amanda," which is for the little children that come to Nauvoo with their parents.  They just love it!!!  Anyway, during part of the opening act, everyone gets up and sings "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes."  Because we were just watching as the audience at the time, we participated.  We do it three times, each time faster than the next.  I decided that, rather than touch my own head, shoulders, knees, and toes, I would touch Elder Nelson's.  He was confused for a second, but then caught on and started doing the same on me.  It looked ridiculous.  It was working great the first two times (although, trying to do the eyes, ears, mouth, and nose is both confusing and dangerous), but the third one -- the lightning fast version -- we got to "Head, Shoulders, Kn...." at which point we bashed heads and fell to the floor in a heap.  We were both laughing so hard.  I had a goose egg for the rest of the day.

Being a young performing missionary in Nauvoo is so different from anything I've done before.  I went on a full-time two-year proselyting mission for the Church in West Virginia not too long ago.  That's the typical missionary you think of...white shirts and ties, walking down the street, stopping everyone they meet, handing out cards, knocking on doors, teaching lessons in homes.  That is how we taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Here, I'm in suspenders and floppy hats, pretending to be some character, saying all kinds of lines in a musical production.  I don't go looking for people to teach...in fact, I don't have many opportunities to even bear my own testimony of the truthfulness of the message of the restoration of the one completely true and living Church on the earth in any normal way you might face to face with someone.  They come find me, and get to know me as my character, and will probably never speak to me.  So how do I testify of Jesus Christ while I'm singing and dancing about the Maid of Iowa sailing down the Mississippi?

There is a scripture in Mosiah that teaches that in order for a people to preach the word of God, there must be no contention among the people, that they might see with one and one faith, that their hearts might be knit together as one... and then they may preach... and then they may be children of God.  I was thinking about what it meant to "become a child of God," seeing as we already are His children.  Then I remembered that today, after we had practiced "Sunset By the Mississippi," I was stopped by an Elder and Sister Harding, who wanted to know if I was a Partridge.  When I affirmed their suspicions, they told me how during the entire rehearsal, they just kept looking at me and thinking "That HAS to be a Partridge!" because I look so much like my dad and grandpa.  Turns out, Elder Harding was my dad's bishop when he was young!

I think "becoming a child of God" means being immediately recognizable as one.  If, with righteous desires, we have our heart knit together as one, we will look like Him.  We will give off His same glow, and we will be undeniably recognizable as children of God by any and all who see us.  I believe this is the way we bear our testimonies as young performing missionaries.  Everyone's eyes will be looking upon us... it must be absolutely clear that they see proof of a Heavenly Father when they do.

The Little Things

Though we have only been in Nauvoo for one week, I would testify that we as missionaries have spent much more time here.  I know that, as we have pleaded for this blessing, the Lord has lengthened our days that we might accomplish all the work that He has laid before us.

Nauvoo is incredible.  Being a missionary is incredible.  I am singing notes I've never sung, hitch-kicking higher than I ever have, sleeping deeper, waking faster, memorizing faster than humanly possible, and running faster than I've ever run.  There are so many times as we rehearse these shows that I just kind of stare in shock at what I am doing, because I know that a week ago I did not have the abilities I do now.  I am a powerful performer and I have an incredible singing voice now!!  I know that when the Lord wants something done, He gets it done.  All I have to do is step out of the way and be willing to work as I am called to work, and it is no longer me performing and singing and dancing and testifying...it is Him.  It is always Him.

The missionaries here are so exceptional.  And I love how the Spirit uses all of us together like a perfectly fashioned Swiss Watch to bless one another as we seek to bless those who come to Nauvoo.  Just two days ago, I was laying on my bed, writing in my journal about an incredible sacred experience I'd had that is to personal to share here.  Directly after I had finished, I wrote the following:

"Thinking about it now, I really feel like I should tell Elder Leavitt about my experience, tonight before he goes to bed.  I don't know why...I still hardly know him.

"But for some reason, I feel like I should just wait here instead.  I...."

That's as far as I got before Elder Leavitt walked into the bedroom (which is not his bedroom) and just laid on one of the beds.  Stunned at such a fast "coincidence," I started talking to him.  I then shared the experience I had just written that I'd felt so strongly to share with him.  Our conversation was so meaningful and powerful... and he told me that, for certain reasons, what I had shared was very personal and thought-provoking for him, and he knew that it was something orchestrated by God.  Just two minutes later, before he left, he said something to me that was a profound answer to a prayer I had been praying even since before I came to Nauvoo.  I didn't tell him that...but I was shocked once again that right after I had opened up to him, right out of his mouth came the word of God to me that I had been seeking.

I know that God is in the very small details of our lives.  He loves us.  And He has a whole host of angels at His command to do His bidding on our behalf.  We are never alone.

I love spending every waking moment working for and testifying of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  There's nothing better on this earth than that.

Save Me A Seat?

It is still amazing to me that everything happened the way it did.  There are some times you can see why and how Heavenly Father shaped events in your life to open up a great opportunity for you…and this isn’t one of those times.

I have a friend who served as a young performing missionary last year that started practically begging me to audition to serve in Nauvoo this summer because he knew how much I would enjoy it.  This was back in September.  I had just been to Nauvoo two years previous during a family trip just before I left for my two-year full-time mission in West Virginia.  I vividly remembered how I felt when the young performing missionaries sang "Invocation."  The tears in my eyes swell just thinking about the heartbreak I felt as we left Nauvoo on the Trail of Hope to head back home.  I longed to stay.

However, at that time, I had no job and no money, I had other commitments during the summer that I needed to keep, and I was looking into getting paid to be an EFY counselor.  To top it all off, because of previous experiences of mine, I’ve never had a whole lot of confidence in my voice.  To go to all that effort when I had so much going on and no means of paying for it, when I knew that there was no way I would be chosen out of the however many hundred that might apply from all over the country and elsewhere, to fill one of the ten spots for a performing stage elder, I rejected the offer.  Multiple times.

Fast Forward.  Auditions were long over, the future missionaries had been called, and I’d just forgotten about the whole thing.  I had also found a solid job.  And my commitments for the summer had fallen through.  And my computer crashed every time I tried to send my EFY counselor application.  All coincidences…  My friend approached me again in February and said that now they were looking for tech missionaries to serve in Nauvoo, and that I should come to the meeting.  All of a sudden, I had a very strong drive to go, even though the meeting was at an extremely inconvenient time for me.  At the meeting, I found out that they had only called nine out of ten of the stage elders, and just weren’t sure if they were even going to fill the last spot.  They just hadn’t felt like they had met that person yet.  They said they would hold very brief auditions for anyone there that was interested in performing on stage rather than doing the technical work.  My heart leaped inside my chest.  Had God saved a seat for me?

Long story short, one week later Elder Camp called me and asked if I would accept the calling to be the tenth performing stage elder in Nauvoo, Illinois this summer.  At the time, I was in the middle of a dark street covered in snow, walking at night alone.  I just fell to the wet ground in shock and gratitude.  I knelt in prayer out in the middle of nowhere and poured out my soul to Heavenly Father for how humbled I felt to have so graciously been given such an incredible opportunity. Within a matter of a week, the Lord had altered my course from planning beach parties to planning to serve as a Church Service Missionary.  My heart is so full!!

I know I am meant to be in Nauvoo this summer.  Heavenly Father set everything up to make that one pretty obvious.  I don’t know why I am meant to go, and I don’t know how this even happened, but I will always accept a call from the Lord to do His work.  I am ready to not only learn of miracles, and experience miracles, in Nauvoo…I am ready to be an instrument for miracles in Nauvoo.

Two months of waiting just might kill me.